Grumbling, Grieving, and Grateful.
Grumbling, Grieving, and Grateful
Hello friends.
In Ron Rolheiser’s book Sacred Fire, he tells a story that, once you hear it, just settles into your bones and stays there. It certainly has for me.
When Ron was young, he landed in the hospital after an injury. He shared a room with a middle-aged truck driver—50-something, rugged, tough, and in constant, agonizing pain. The man groaned through the nights, keeping Ron awake.
One night, past midnight, the truck driver reached his breaking point and pressed the call button. A nurse slipped in and gave him something for the pain. Within minutes, the relief washed over him—his whole body softening, relaxing.
As the nurse turned to leave, the truck driver said, in a clear, steady voice:
“We really appreciate you doing this.”
She responded with the familiar, humble line:
“Oh, don’t thank me. I’m just doing my job.”
But he stopped her.
“Ma’am… it’s nobody’s job to take care of me. So when you do this for me, I need to say thank you.”
Rolheiser says he never forgot that line. Neither have I:
“It’s nobody’s job to take care of me.”
And just to be clear—this isn’t about pretending we don’t need help. It’s not about self-sufficiency or rugged independence. It’s about the posture of the heart—seeing every kindness and every act of compassion as a gift, not an entitlement.
Rolheiser writes that the holiest people in your life are the most grateful people in your life.
Because:
When you believe you are owed nothing, you become grateful for everything.
Every moment becomes a prayer:
“Thank You, God, for this breath. For this day. For this life.”
“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
Two Buckets: Expectations vs. Hopes
Picture two buckets inside your heart and mind:
One holds your hopes, wishes, and dreams.
The other holds your expectations.
Trouble comes when we take that bucket of expectations and hand it to someone we love—spouse, partner, friend—and those expectations become demands.
Practicing gratitude means:
Keeping your hopes alive
Not turning them into demands
And giving thanks for every act of kindness, however small
When Gratitude Matters Most
We tend to think gratitude matters most at milestone moments—birthdays, holidays, mountaintop experiences. Those are great moments, but Scripture points us somewhere else.
Look at Philippians 4, where Paul writes:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Why “with thanksgiving” right in the middle of anxiety?
Why be thankful in the very moment life feels overwhelming?
Because if you can look up—right in the center of your anxious moment—and see God with you, that moment becomes the end of anxiety’s power.
You remember:
“I live in the strong and unshakable Kingdom of God.
And that Kingdom is not in trouble… so neither am I.”
Some Christian traditions encourage walking through the day with palms open—physically open-handed. It’s a posture of receiving. A posture of dependence. A reminder that blessings come, and we receive them, not demand them.
Giving Thanks In All Circumstances
Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 5:18:
“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you.”
Notice the word in, not for.
We don’t thank God for injustice, tragedy, violence, or grief.
God isn’t the author of those things.
But we can be thankful in the circumstance, because gratitude is an act of trust.
A pastor once said at the memorial service of a 23-year-old woman who died of cancer:
“I’m not here to give thanks for her death.
I’m here to protest it. Something is wrong in this world.”
That is biblical.
Lament and gratitude belong together.
Real gratitude isn’t sentimental, shallow, or a bypass of real pain.
It’s not “everything happens for a reason.”
It’s surrender.
It’s trust:
Trust in the God who is God right now.
Trust in the God who is making all things new.
Even when I don’t understand.
Grumbling, Grieving, and Grateful
Author Kate Bowler wrote one of her first books studying the prosperity gospel. Not long after, she was diagnosed with stage-4 colon cancer—a young mom, a spouse, a life suddenly interrupted.
She writes:
“Control is a drug, and we are all hooked.”
And:
“I pray to a God who may or may not let me accumulate more years.
This is a God I love.
And this is a God who breaks my heart.”
It echoes the words of Job:
“Though God slay me, yet will I trust in God.”
Because real gratitude—the kind that shows up right beside your grumbling, your grieving, your lament—isn’t denial.
It isn’t sentimental.
It isn’t prosperity theology.
It isn’t spiritual bypassing.
It is surrender.
It is trust in the God who is God right now,
and in the God who is making all things new—
even when we can’t see it,
even when we don’t feel it.
So whatever you’re facing:
“With thanksgiving… present your requests to God.”
The key moment for gratitude is now, because God’s presence is in the present.
And if we miss gratitude now, this now will not come again.
The Welcoming Prayer
Let’s close with this ancient prayer of welcome—
a prayer of surrender, honesty, and opening ourselves to the loving presence of God:
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I welcome everything that comes to me today,
because I know it is for my healing.I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions,
persons, situations, and conditions.I let go of my desire for power and control.
I let go of my desire for affection, esteem, approval, and pleasure.
I let go of my desire for survival and security.
I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person, or myself.I open to the love and presence of God
and God’s action within.Amen.
Friends, we love walking this journey with you.
Thank you for being here again today.
So until next time—whether you’re grumbling, grieving, or grateful—
we’re all in this together.
